The numbered world

These days a normal person goes to office with :

1.     Mobile phone

2.     Wallet

3.     Driving Licence

4.     Credit card

5.     Car keys

6.     Home keys

7.     Office keys

8.     Sunglasses

9.     Reading glasses

10.  Ball-point Pen

11.  Wrist watch

12.  Loose change (coins)

13.  RFID card for office

14.  Customer site Identity Card

15.  Handkerchief

Some carry two more:

16.  Cigarette pack

17.  Lighter

Life has become so incredibly complex (and numbered)…..

There was a time in our lives when we did not even need to wear anything – jumping around in our birthday suits was considered de rigueur – life was so simple and exciting !!!!… And then it all started building up.

If you look around today it is numbers, numbers all the way….. You have on an average at least 3 credit cards with 16-digit identifiers followed by a 3-digit authentication code. Each has its own “T-pin” number about 6 digits long, which you need to memorise. Each month you get three bills and need to verify those bills against all those numbers….

If you need to raise a dispute on any card bill, you will have to respond to an emotionless, automated voice, punch in your card number (16 digits) and card-specific T-pin number (6 digits) on the hotline and hope you can talk to a human being at the other end. If the call falls through for some reason, you will have to repeat the process.

I must confess - I lost this battle; threw out the T-pins and never raised a dispute since. If they send wrong bills I simply do not pay – till they call up, and then I voice my opinions.

Then, of course you, have the ATM card and another 6-digit access code to memorise – and only 3 chances to get it right with the ATM machine !!! Not fair at all, or rather impolite, if you ask me.

Go to your drawing room and you have a TV set with 92 channels and about 31 buttons on the remote. 60 of those channels show runs and re-runs of very similar soap operas – with 7 base variations of 4 basic plots. 70% of the faces and about 80% of the ads are common.

A villain in one serial is a do-gooder in another and a dying man in a third. And his wife in the first serial has just died in the second. How do you know what to follow ? That is one losing battle – with total confusion reigning supreme….

There was a time when I watched cricket on TV – but that was before the game reinvented itself as the International Cricket Circus and those guys in the field actually played cricket instead of vending biscuits and motorcycles….

Then there is the stereo / home theatre set with 27 control buttons, multiple types and multiple formats of CDs…..  The music too, has changed – you either get the loud jackhammer class of music with someone screaming like a donkey being given the treatment with the jackhammer or you get re-mixes of old lovely songs sung afresh to that same jackhammer music. The single remote can control the Stereo unit, the TV and….. I am so confused that I have never used it….

Go to your workplace and you have to not only take care of 25 server passwords – you have to change them every quarter !!! Then you have more 6-digit access codes for your own office, your customer’s office and your vendor’s office. Then of course, there are other passwords – e-mail, workstation, applications and so on…

They gave me a new phone at my desk after installing the latest digital PABX. This one needs a 9-digit access code before I can dial a 12 or 14 digit international number !! How often can one rattle off 21 or 23 digits from memory ? It apparently has a voice-activated redial facility – but simply refuses to accept my voice command. That is going to be another losing battle, I am sure…..

The other day I forgot my ATM access code in a foreign country, after having spent a month in India and using the access code for my ATM card there. I knew I had only three chances to get it right, and only 10 dollars in my pocket. The ATM machine spit out my card with the first two tries… I gave it up – went home, changed into a comfortable pair of shorts and vest, switched off the TV, darkened the room and had a l-o-n-g swig of whisky. No luck – numbers raced through my mind like a torrent – but I knew they were not the ones I wanted… A couple more swigs – and I realised it was hopeless. Returning my card meant the Bank would give me another set of numbers to memorise….

Next morning I borrowed some money from my colleagues…. Two days later I tried again…. Same result – two tries – two sets of wrong numbers – and I did not dare a third attempt. That evening I tried the same exercise – a few large pegs of whisky in a darkened room. The only difference was that I kept holding the ATM card in my hand and staring at it while a Tagore song played in the background.

Three pegs and five songs later it came back to me – I remembered the code. Finally. I drove over to the bank immediately – and – what a relief !!! I could, at last, withdraw some money……

There was one a time when I dreamt beautiful dreams – last night all I dreamt about was 6-5-0-8-9-3-4-8-2-1-7-4-6-3-2-0-6-4-1-1-0-0-7-6-6-7-9-6-5-4-3-6…. They came at me like an infantry moving forward, armed with guns and spikes – I was running and they were chasing…. Chasing till I woke up….

I have been dreaming numbers for a long time now…..I wonder – where will it all end ? What will happen when my memory starts failing me ? You tell me…. If I want to jump around in my birthday suit once more I’ll have to join a nudist camp – right ?

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