I have been plying, or should I say, flying, the
domestic routes in India for well-nigh three decades. Back in those days there
was only one carrier option and fixed price tickets for all sectors. They
served food, which almost always made me sick, and the tea or coffee that was
served, tasted the same – like dishwater. Cabin crew comprised of saree-clad aunties
– remember, I was significantly younger then – who were quite curt if one
complained about anything.
The aircraft kind of creaked and wheezed as they
took off, forcing the most atheist among the passengers to look up to the sky
at least once in a while... Some of these flights had screaming babies too, who
started and stopped their routine along with the engines, with desperate
parents trying to hide themselves.
The pilots frequently went on strike for one thing
or the other, stranding passengers and upsetting schedules all over the
country. An exasperated management roped in retired Indian Air Force pilots to
make things work. With flying skills honed on fighter aircraft, this breed
handled the creaking passenger planes the same way. It was like asking F1 drivers to run a city bus service.
Most runways back then were more suited to racing
cattle than speeding aircraft and we poor passengers bumped along them for a
while before taking off at a forty-five degree angle to meet the clouds, engines
screaming. Landing was equally traumatic – most often it was on left pod, then
right pod then nose wheel, before coming to a shuddering stop – the way they
landed fighter planes loaded with bombs. There was thin, very thin, line
between crashing and landing… Many atheists among us those days turned outright
religious – we were always this close to meeting our Creator.
And then the skies opened up to private airlines –
who offered cheaper fares – and one of them pioneered the art of serving
alcohol on domestic routes !! It was a paradigm shift for a populace that till
then, were deprived of almost all the good things in life and were used to long
queues for purchasing anything, from food to two-wheelers.
It was hilarious to watch executives in ties and
suits gulping free alcohol on an early morning flight and then being taken out
of the plane at the destination, on wheel chairs, too sozzled to even stand up.
God knows what happened to their days’ schedules.
It was immediately obvious that this could not
continue, and the grand old airline, which was losing business to these upstart
newcomers, went crying to Uncle of India, who put a complete ban on alcohol on
domestic flights. The airline that started it, also passed into history,
planes, bottles and all, and a new breed called “budget airlines” entered the
scene.
These newbies really cut out the frills and offered
cheaper tickets, seats with hard… I will be condescending and call them “firm”
cushions, food for on-board sales, served by attractive young ladies in skirts
(no frills there, either), but most importantly, brand new aircraft that did
not creak or wheeze while taking off or landing.
The advent of these players was a welcome change
for many, including me…. But as time went on, they added more rows in the
cabins, reducing leg-space to the point where you wish you had penguin-feet, to
be comfortable. I really pity the six-footers who travel on these planes
!! The windows are rarely clean – they
fly these like buses – with no time to clean the exteriors….
***
On one recent occasion – the one that prompted me
to write this piece – we found that the full-service ticket of the grand old
airline was actually cheaper than the “no-frills” ticket of the budget
airlines that have hard seats designed for penguin-feet.
I took this flight on the grand old airline after a
gap of almost fourteen years. What a welcome change !! The aircraft was fairly
new, the seat cushions soft, the leg-space adequate to push a hand-bag down
below and sit comfortably, the air-conditioning did not leak water (did I
mention that before ?) and the windows were clean.
The cabin crew comprised of air-hosts – (I know
they are supposed to be called stewards, but prefer to call them what I did) –
glum-faced men in white shirts and red ties – and the aunties were gone !! The
food was nothing to write home about, but I did not fall sick again. We did not
have to buy it either, they served with grace.
The best part was that we left and arrived on time
!!!
Over the decade-plus period of budget airline
travel, I have rarely arrived on schedule. The carriers not only fail to
apologize, they have the gall to lecture the suffering multitude about the
“virtues of being on time” !! The delays are never “their fault” and on the rare
occasion that they serve complimentary refreshments to irked passengers, they
make sure that the menu on offer is enough to turn away all but the ones
deranged with hunger.
The classical Indian mind of double-think,
double-talk, and double-speak…
***
Dear Readers, next time you fly, check all fares –
the budget airlines are beginning to take people for a ride – other than the
planes, I mean…
***
