Somoy Nei (No time !!)

Kolkata to Dhaka is a thirty-five minute flight. My ticket had been booked for the late afternoon, on a 48-seater, twin-propeller aircraft. Nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that it was overtaken in mid-flight by a flock of geese, also presumably flying to Dhaka. The disgusting part was that the geese not only overtook us, they flew above us …. One of those fellows perhaps even cocked a head to look back at us…. but I will discount that piece…

On board we were greeted by 1.582 air-hostesses – the decimals attributable to the thinnest lady I have ever seen in my life – almost a sari-clad fountain pen, and taller than me. A gentleman is not supposed to discuss a lady’s vital statistics in civil conversation, but there are always exceptions - in this case the numbers should read 25-25-25 – if my eyesight has not forsaken me….. She was ideally suited for that kind of aircraft, with its narrow aisle.

As the plane started to rumble on the tarmac, she came along with a cardboard tray; I asked what she had and she said supari and toffees and that I should hurry up with my choice – “somoy nei.” Then, after the obligatory pantomime on safety measures, we took off. Within minutes, the captain’s voice could be heard telling us that we would be flying at 13,000 feet and “Inshallah” we would be landing at Dhaka in about twenty-seven minutes. “Inshallah ? Whatever happened to navigation instruments, GPS and the ATC network ?” I began wondering.

The air-hostesses began serving refreshments, and I asked what it was, and the thin one said non-veg and I should hurry up because, “somoy nei”. Half-way through my samosa she cleared my tray with a casual “May I?” but I was not looking at her, the geese overhead, by this time, had my attention – what with bird hits being the “in thing” these days…….

Then began the short descent – with the ground kind of rushing upwards, the other air-hostess spoke over the PA system that we were due to land “Inshallah” at Dhaka’s Zia International airport. “Inshallah ? When the ground is rushing up to meet you at over two hundred kilometres an hour ?” I bit my lip.

In all my travels before, I have never seen aircraft wheels actually make contact with the runway while landing – now I did, and, believe me, it was scary – a fear multiplied many times over by the captain and crew’s constant “Inshallah” refrain. We reached Dhaka forty-five minutes behind schedule. And she was saying, “Somoy nei.”

I was braver on the return flight, now that I sort of knew what to expect. I met her tray half-way and picked up the toffee with alacrity, and when they served the food, tore the sandwich with both hands to gulp it, dropped the samosa to the floor in the process, pocketed the chocolate bar for my kids – in short, managed to clean up my tray before they yanked it away. Superman could not have done it faster. Did not give her the chance to say, “Somoy nei.”

We reached Kolkata – a thirty-five-minute flight, seventy-five minutes late….. Cannot write much more about a 35-minute flight…. Oto somoy nei….

Next time I’ll take a jet to reach Dhaka. And beat the geese to it. 

Inshallah.