CHINA – first impressions (this story is of 2010 vintage)

 A friend of mine just returned from a 10-day business visit to China. It is the height of winter in the northern latitudes and definitely not a very good time to go there, but business is business…. I list below his impressions just as he told me – which can serve as guidelines / warnings to all those who wish or plan to go there in future.

Beijing – Daytime temperatures were between -2 and -7 degrees Celsius, but there was bright sunshine and no snow… There is a tremendous pressure on the general populace to start speaking English, smile and bow, as soon as they meet foreigners, in preparation for the upcoming Olympics.

It was difficult to find money-changers – almost all signs are still in Mandarin… And then one policeman came out to help my friend…. He said, “You money ? Me money !!! Give 800 Dollar, I give 700 Dollar in Yuan !!” My friend, the poor visitor, had no choice – he handed over 800 US Dollars to the fellow and he vanished into the crowd.

A few minutes later a lady constable came up with a broad smile and said, “Sit, sit. No worry !!” Our friend, lighter by 800 dollars, had no intention of cooling his backside on a steel bench in sub-zero temperatures, and continued pacing up and down. After about 20 minutes the policeman returned with the widest grin possible and gave him 700 dollars worth of Yuan and the policewoman who had been watching him from a distance all this while, said, “See ? No think !!”…. That is money-changing in China for you.

 Xi’an (pronounced Zee-an) – He went to Xi’an the next day. This city, located in a province with the same name, is south-west of Beijing, but mountainous and extremely cold because of its proximity to Mongolia. It was grey and snowing the day he landed there, and he was unable to take any pictures at all…. The runway was being cleared of snow by a few men using brooms and shovels…. The plane skidded a couple of times on a layer of ice as it taxied to the tarmac. The plane stopped about five metres short of the aerobridge, and passengers were asked to come down the stairs, walk a few metres in the driving wind and snow and climb up into the aerobridge through the side entrance…..

Public toilets – The public toilets in China, apart from the ones in the largest of Beijing hotels, have one common feature – they do not have doors. Neither do you get any toilet paper. And all toilets are the “squat” type – or what we call “Indian Style” toilets in India.  My friend found out pretty soon why everyone goes around carrying an umbrella in the snowy winter. They use it when they have to use the toilets !!!! You go into a public toilet open your umbrella, and do your stuff….. This is true for both male and female toilets.

 In fact the average Chinese are apparently so used to this that when they do use a toilet with doors, they do not bother to close it…..

Outside the airport at Xi’an, men with shovels were employed to clear the snow from the roads…. And the leftover snow had become a hard, black, slippery, surface – one on which cars, two-wheelers, three-wheelers, cycles, rolled and slipped with gay abandon…..

To summarise, here are a couple of travel tips if and when you do want to visit China :

·         Carry an umbrella (by now you know why)

·         Stuff your coat pockets with toilet paper – as many ply’s thick as you can – again, for very obvious reasons.

More later, as and when I get to hear from him……

A Boss... And a friend

 I met him about two decades ago in Brunei and went on to work for him for well-nigh six years.

He was a Singaporean Chinese, who had set up a company in Brunei. He had a distinctive sense of humour – bordering on the racist – but then we never worry about those things in these parts.

 One incident, very early on, is etched in my memory, and has changed me forever. We were having a serious discussion on a project, evaluating pros and cons of different approaches and he asked, “Do you agree with me ?”

I, true to my Indian upbringing, answered, “No, I think so too !!”

He looked at me, repeated the question. I repeated my response.

For the third time, he asked, “Do you agree with me ?”

I said, “No, I agree with you.”

He said, “All Chinese living outside China are very confused, and you Indians make it harder !! Do you, or do you not agree ? Yes or no ?”

I said “Yes”. Then he said, “Stop beginning your sentences with a “no”. Problem with all Indians that I have met. And then some of you shake your head in a way that leaves the whole world wondering whether it was a “yes” or a “no” !”

Lesson learnt – I now use this incident to train people.

He was very fond of wines, beer and golf.  I had started attending the gym, when one day over lunch he said, “I too have six packs of beer gut covering the original set.” On another occasion, I said something about believing his words and he said, “You are a fool to believe a smiling Chinese businessman...”

And boy !! He could party !! A few months down the line, I asked him to celebrate the completion of our project. He asked me what kind of food I would like to have. I, like a fool, said, “Authentic Chinese food.” He smiled and then a few weeks later organised a dinner in Singapore.

That was one dinner I will never forget – I got to have seven new animals – cooked in northern and southern Chinese styles... The list included sea anemones, sea cucumber and geoduck, among others. Pretty tasty and all that, but then, at his request the Chef brought an uncooked geoduck to show me. Holy smoke !! I could or would never have eaten that thing, but then I already had !!  You readers can look up the “geoduck” on the net.

 He was a person fairly steeped in Chinese traditions. A few years later, someone asked him over lunch where I was present, what made him hire me. He said, “Look at his forehead. That is the forehead of a hard worker and an honest man.” Oh ! My God ! And I thought my certificates were responsible.

 He was Roy Tan – my boss and friend. Roy passed away on 30/Sep/2021 – another COVID statistic.

In his own peculiar way he touched many lives while working the restricted market of Brunei. He touched my life in more ways than one.

 Rest in peace, Roy – your time came a bit too soon. And I will remember you till my time comes.